Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
