So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
