oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
