If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
