I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
