People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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