You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
