can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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