I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
