Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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