Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
