After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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