at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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