Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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