I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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