so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
