This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
