he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize