just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize