This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
