im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
