sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
