your thong is hanging out like whoa
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
