ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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