You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
