your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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