I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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