hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How does it feel to date your dad?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
