Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
