Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
