As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pants are for mortals
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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