Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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