just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I want is dick and wine.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
