we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
