Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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