Got a toothbrush?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
