I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
