He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
