4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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