well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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