I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
