I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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