Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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