I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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