Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
