TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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