Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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