My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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