i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize