it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When did angry sex become our thing?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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