I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize