They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Panties = found
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
