Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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