yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
