I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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