dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize