I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
