im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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