forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize