yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never underestimate the power of titties
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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