So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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