I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
