i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
