when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
