that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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