I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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