You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize