Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This show inspires me to have sex in space
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
