You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
