There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
