I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
