i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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