Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
