it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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