Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
