the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
