I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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