Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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