3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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