im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
