I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
