If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
