I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
