Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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