Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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