then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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